Musing...

what if we live today like it is the tomorrow we dream it will be and the yesterday we wish we could have done differently?

Oh them buddles of joy!

A friend of mine posted this as a note on her facebook, and it was so great I had to repost.. so have fun with this one... all I can say is I am sooooo ready. hah! riiiight.. bring it on! :P

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS

MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a.m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

I saw a bird the other day...

... with a broken wing in the middle of the road in front of Banana's. It was still alive and must have gotten hit by some errant car. It seemed to be trying very hard to "crawl" out of the road dragging its one broken wing whilst weakly flapping the good wing. I didn't see it til I had almost driven right past it. I looked in my rear view mirror and there were 4 more cars behind mine, one of which was a reggae bus. Fear gripped me and I knew that there was only the slightest chance that the bird could survive that many cars... I kept driving, and yet all the while I kept thinking about the bird and what could have happened to it and wondering if I should turn around and try somehow to save it. Maybe the VTH (Veterinary Teaching Hospital) would take it in. I could call my roommate and see if the VTH could even do anything about it. I turned my car around...

The entire way back, I kept saying, "please don't be dead.. please don't be dead.. please don't be dead"...

I drove past Banana's... all that was left was a flattened feathered remnant with a single down feather still twitching in the breeze. I don't know why.. but I felt a great sadness.. Sure it was only a bird.. but it hadn't seemed like some backwater scavenger bird.. it had been pretty and something about its feeble attempts at escaping from certain death had struck me in a way I couldn't ignore. I thought about that bird the entire way home...