Dogs & Cats

Alina posted this earlier, but I found it so delightful I had to repost... So funny... I need to get me a cat one of these days ^_^

The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!




The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I never heless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.

I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.

However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now...

Raqueting the Cockroach

So here I was minding my own business.. wasting my time in front of my laptop as I so often do at half-past midnight, when Aaron comes to my room in his usual manner..

"Hey! There's a cockroach in the kitchen on the wall! How do you think we should kill it? I can't reach it. It's up too high!"

So I follow Aaron back to the kitchen where I see this huge thumb drive sized cockroach chill'n out about 17ft up on the wall. I get the brilliant idea to try hitting it with a tennis ball. You can imagine the hilarity that ensued.. I had no idea that Aaron hated and had a general healthy respect for bugs of all shapes and sizes so when I threw the ball at the roach and hit about a foot away from it making it scurry off down the wall closer to us, Aaron backed away. I handed him the ball.

"You've got to try this! It's sooo much fun!"

Being as it was a long distance sport and involved standing far back from the roach Aaron and I proceeded to play racquetball with the roach... which ran back and forth along the wall as we did our best to hit it or make it come down the wall low enough to smush. Aaron called Jill out to participate in all the raucous and when she threw the ball at the roach she screamed bloody murder and ran back into her room. Man, I have to say I could not stop laughing throughout the event. I mean, picture mid-twenties adults attempting to peg an insect on a wall with a tennis ball and ducking as the tennis ball bounces back and all over the kitchen, chasing after the ball, laughing like it was a skit on SNL. Sure it was silliness to the extreme but it was so much fun!

Finally the roach was low enough to where I got on the kitchen table which proceeded to creak ominously and took Broccoli's water dish and rolled it over the roach, smearing roach innards all along the wall and the bowl. That was actually rather gross... I was going to leave it up on the wall as a reminder of the fun and because it was so disgusting I thought it would be a fantastic surprise for my other roommate Deann to see in the morning. heh. oh well. It turned out to be a tad too graphic for Jill and Aaron's taste so I climbed back up and unceremoniously wiped him off the face of the wall after giving a detailed description as to the color and similarities of its guts to chicken meat.

My one regret? Not catching everything, esp Jill, on camera ^_^