Steady as it goes

3 exams down. 1 paper in the works. 1 make up exam coming up Sat. Next week a whole nother load. But one week at a time. I'm still here and still plodding on. The Lord is good.

Midterms

In the thick of midterms right now with exams and projects coming from all angles. I'm feeling weak and starting to question a lot of things. It's always during times like this that my dedication and commitment to what I've chosen is really tested. Is this really what I truly want? What about my hopes for a family and a life not devoted to a career but to those I love? I never wanted my life to revolve around a job, but more and more it seems that medicine will do that to a person. Is this where I believe God would have me to be or am I just being stubborn? I'm struggling... there is a wrestling of both mind and heart. I just pray God will see me through. His will be done. I can but trust and have faith... Lord, I need you. Help me through this time of weakness and forgive me for faltering. May I come out of this stronger and more rooted and grounded. All for you and to your glory.

Tong Hua (Fairy Tale)

I was scrounging online for one reason or other looking at some vids and I found this music video. It is so beautifully sad.. very sad, yet that seems to only enhance the beauty of it. It's in Mandarin Chinese, but comes with English Subs. It made my heart clench as I watched and listened, maybe in part because I could understand most of what was sung in the original, but yet still... I think that even if you do not understand, you cannot help but be so moved...

Random Insert

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Crazy Happenings

I woke the morning of the 15th paniced and petrified. When I looked at my alarm clock it was 10:55, almost 2 hours after my Biostats exam had begun. Stink. Funny thing was I didn't really stay paniced. I kind of just lay there in bed, wondering what I should do and if it would be worth making a mad dash to the classroom to take it right then and there. I guess I just convinced myself it wouldn't be worth it because I'd be all anxious and out of breath and feeling rushed and stressed, so I just did my usual morning routine. I then wen to class and told my prof what had happened. He surprised me by just laughing in an amused, happy, sort of way and told me to wait outside. When everyone had finished thier exams (3 hours) we went to his office and he told me I could take the exam Friday, today. This was quite a relief to me because I was prepared to throw myself at his mercy and beg him to let me take the test, and if need be dock me points or give me shortened time or what not, but it all worked out and I ended up getting some extra time to study. It helped, I think.

So this afternoon, at 1pm I went to his office and took the test. It was only 25 questions: 10 T/F, 8 work out problems, 7 multiple choice. But believe it or not it took me almost 4 hours. It wasn't that that the test was "hard" per se. I don't really know why it took me so long. Certainly I did not believe it would take me that long. Time really flew on this one. While I was taking the exam, another student came to ask him about her grade on the exam. He told her that the class as a whole did very poorly, and he wasn't sure why. He did not give any partial credit for work or anything, but he said that he thought that he had made the test easier in this way. She asked if she could at least just know here grade, and he said he didn't want to depress her, but would look it up. When he saw it he told her to just go to her party tonight (the MPH Mardi Gras was tonight) and ask him on Sat if she still wanted to know. He said he didn't want to ruin her weekend or at least her party. She asked if there was any way he could curve the grades, and he said that if he went to the party, maybe if he got drunk enough and drank enough rum, he could be so persuaded. lol. She was fully prepared and ready to take him up on his offer. Heh, I think I may be as well if I were offered that option. But I told him that Dr. Amuleru-Marshall marks his tests so that the highest score would set the standard for an A, and all other grades would be set according to that. He said he would consider that and talk it over with Dr. Amuleru-Marshall. I'm really hoping that he does curve the exam. I believe we need it.

I bought some flowers for my mom from Proflowers.com and had them shipped to her for Valentine's Day. They were 2 dozen mixed roses, and she said she loved them . She also said she got the letter that I mailed her about 2-3 weeks ago, and that that was very special to her as well. I guess now I have a better idea of how long it'll take a letter to reach the States. I've never ordered flowers online before, and I am pleased so far with the experience. My bro just sent me pics of them, and I think they look really nice. I'm just glad I was able to do something for my mom because I know she's been having a rough time at work and I wanted to send her something to cheer her up and remind her of me ^_^


Oh yeah, I got a cell phone (Siemens A70, Provider: Digicell) today from Jon. He gave me his cell that he got here because he got his phone that he had in the States unlocked and activated. I just paid him for his new SIM card, so it came out well. Thanks, Jon! He said that I could finally be "in the loop." Heh. We'll see... I think it's just so they can hunt and track me down .

So yeah, have much to do this weekend. Have an Epi exam this Monday, Substance Abuse Midterm Tuesday, a 10 page Concepts paper Wed.. .you know, the usual. Heh. Right.... So I'm dreading the long hours, exhausted lack of sleep days and nights that are before me. I know I can make it because I have in the past.. but ugh, I hate going through it. Why do I put myself through this? I chose to do more schooling.. I must be insane .

Discouraged

Yeah, I'm kind of down from Biostats. Our final is this Wed, and I'm still somewhat confused as to what we need to know. I guess I'll just have to work at it some more. I tried to set up an apointment with the prof. but he does not have any office hours when I'm free. I asked him if I could talk to him outside of his office hours and he said that last time he spent too much time on campus so if it would take less than 15 minutes then he'd have time for me. That didn't help. When I asked him when his office hours were he gave me a time that wasn't what the secretary had when I had just asked her 2 minutes prior, so I let her know and she asked him about it, and apparently he didn't know when his office hours were. So someone else asked a different secretary and had gotten a block to talk to him when I had requested an apointment first, so now I may not be able to speak with him anyway. Praying I'll gain some understanding of the material before the midterm Wed, and that I'll be able to meet with him even if for a few minutes.

I got my last homework assignment back today. He threw out all the problems that I had spent the most time on. I probably spent at least 8 hours on 2 of those problems. I'm hoping to ask him if I can maybe get some extra credit for the work if it was done correctly and to review a couple of questions he marked with him to maybe get some points back if I can explain to him what I was thinking when I answered what I did. We'll see... I know things'll get better, it's just a bit difficult to look to the future ease when the present and near future looks kind of bleak yeah, I'm wallowing. heh. I'll get over it.

Miss you

I'm plodding through my biostats assignment now. It's not nearly as confusing as the first. Most of the problems are taken directly from the book so that helps. I don't think there will be as many complaints come Monday morning...

I went to Spiceland Mall Friday and Sat morning. Vast difference between the two days. Friday morning the store seemed to have more empty and bare shelves than stocked. I have never seen a store so empty before. It was like someone had just randomly gone through the store and *poofed* away items leaving bare holes everywhere. So I went back Sat morning and what a difference. They had gotten a shipment in Friday afternoon and they seemed to have used the time well in restocking. It was nice going to the store and them having almost everything in stock. I was able to buy pretty much everything I needed and some things I prob didn't need but got because I will never know when I'll see that item again. Shopping is so expensive. But I didn't spend too much time there, and of that I was pleased. I like to be in and out within an hour if I'm not shopping with someone. There's no point really in dilly-dallying when there's no one to spend the time dilly-dallying with. So zip-zip all done.



This store is kind of like a Walmart with misc items from houseware, tools, etc.


Went to Paul and Kate's again today. Lady greeted me not with barking but with playful excited yips and she was bounding up and down wanting to play outside, so I indulged her for a bit. That was fun, and cool that she was excited to see me. I was excited to see her too. She makes me miss my dogs, Faith and Hope, less and more in ways. Less because I can play with her and hug her and she's a great dog so she fills in well for Faith and Hope, but.. she's not Faith or Hope, so seeing her often reminds me of them back at home and I wonder if maybe they've forgotten me or if they miss me. I told my bro to give them each a hug from me ^_^

I got to talk to my mom twice today on the phone. That was really nice. I spoke with her in the afternoon and we had great reception and a good convo. After I got back from Paul and Kate's my mom called again. This time the reception was not so good, so it was a bit frustrating because it kept cutting out so that you couldn't even get the general gist of what was being said. But it was nice just that my mom called, and it made me miss home. I'm not really home sick or anything, but I do miss my mom. It's only when I think of my mom back home or when I tell her before I hang up that I love her and she tells me she loves me that my throat kind of gets tight and my eyes start to tear up and I have to swallow (don't know why that is). And I guess it's also because in part we don't talk on the phone everyday. I think if we did, it wouldn't be as special as when yay, Mommy's going to call! Love you, Ma!

Irony of it all

Well, in my last post I was saying how I doubted I'd be able to wake up early enough to go shopping... the irony of it is that Jon asked me to wake him up at 9:15 this morning because he had lab at 10am. So, I figured that'd be a good way to get me up by having to get up to wake him up. Well, the thing was that I was so afraid that I'd oversleep and not wake him up, that I woke up at 7am, and continued to reawaken every 15-30 minutes there after. Instead of hitting the snooze because I could barely wake up... I was trying to make myself go back to sleep and wait for the alarm to actually go off... kind of annoying since I know I needed the sleep because it was past 4am before I actually got to bed... oh well, I'm up now, and ready to rock 'n roll... I'll prob slip in a mini power nap in about 2 hours or so.. it'll be good. it'll be great.

Everyday battles

I spoke with Dr. Amuleru-Marshall today during a break in our Substance Abuse class about what has been going on in Biostats. He said he had not had any students talk to him yet, but he had talked with the Biostat tutor about it. I gave him my viewpoint and what I thought was happening and he thanked me and said he'd look into the matter. He said that they have had a really hard time finding a teacher for the class. The last teacher wasn't very good and she left after the hurricane. They had one of the other teachers stand in last year, but though he was a very good teacher, he wasn't a biostatician so didn't teach it from that view point. This prof we have now is hard-core mathematician. So he is teaching things from that vantage point and I guess we're just having a hard time keeping up. I just hope that those in my class who are out to get the prof don't try to take it upon themselves to ruin his chances at teaching here because they don't like him. But from the sound of things, that's what they're going to try and do, ruin him on the student evaluations.

I watched Underworld: Evolution tonight. It was more violent than the first one, but I liked it and found it decent enough.

Thinking about going shopping tomorrow... maybe early morning. We'll see how early I wake up. Pretty sure it'll go something like this:

*beep* *beep* *beep*
I'll scramble to snooze the alarm so as not to wake my roomie, look at the time, groan inwardly and ask myself how could it be "such 'n such" a time already! Think about getting up... then think about how warm and comfy I am right now... try, albeit feebly, to convince myself to roll out of bed, feel unpersuaded by the argument and roll over and fall asleep, with the last thought being, "I'll wake up when the snooze is up"...

... only of course not to get up until the above process has been repeated for a minimum of 4 times either that, or I'll accidentally switch the alarm off and the next time I look at the clock I'll be groaning that I can't believe I slept so late! hah! it's a never win situation... but I don't really let it get to me. That's how I go on with my life... Enjoy life as I may, because it's too short and precious to waste it with regrets and self-putdowns... Now if only I would take my own advice more often ^_^

Oh my word

Someone in my class just started passing around a "petition" of a sorts in which it states that the students of my Biostatistics class are completely dissatsfied with the professor and findhim unble to teach the class adequately. I was completely stuned and appalled. I cannot believe that this is going around. I did not sign it and there are one or two others who did not sign it too. Here though, student evaluations are looked upon highly. It can make or break a promotion. My prof is a visiting professor this term, but I have heard that he is trying to become permanent faculty. So this can seriously hurt. I know that there is a problem here since a large percentage of the class is not happy with this class... but I don't know that this is the appropriate response.

Prickly Bay Beach

Today was Grenada's Independence Day, so we all got the day off. I went to visit Paul and Kate and we went to the Prickly Bay Beach. I this was the only other beach I had been to during the daylight hours other than the one I visited on the Rhum Runner cruise. The beach was moderately populated with locals and visitors doing the same thing we were on their day off. The water was warm, though I was told that it was colder than it usually is. It wasn't very clear due to the multitude of seaweed and sand churned up. Paul said he believed it was due to the rough weather that they had a while back that tore up all the seaweed. It's supposed to be pretty clear from what I was told, but when we were there, there was a lot of seaweed tangled under our feet if we back up from the shore a certain distance and even only a few feet from the shore, the seaweed would wash up against us. It was somewhat disconcerting at first, esp to put your feet into the seaweed, not knowing what could be lurking there. Paul got bit by a crab and I got stung by I dunno what. We found a curious egg shape sac floating in the water. It had a clearish leathery skin with a murky liquid interior. While curiosity wanted to know what would happen if we popped it, the more sensible side of me shied away from the idea not knowing if it was harmful or not. So we ended up tossing it back to the sea. Anyway, we took Lady with us to the beach and she seemed pretty excited, though she clung desperately to us while in the water. I don't think she minded the water too much though because she would get into the water with some coxing. I think I very much enjoyed the Caribbean "fun in the sun" way of life.

Oh dear, where are my manners... Everyone, meet Lady

the sun was in my eyes, ok?

Biostat

I seriously am feeling ill will towards my biostats class.. not the students in my class, but just the class as a concept as an idea, as an entity. I spend way too many hours on just a few problems, only to come to class to find that what I struggled with was a typo in the assignment, or that what had seem intuative was completely false. It was a bit of a boost to find that I was probably the only one in my class to get the proof problem correct, but that's all thanks to my dad. I would never have been able to understand it if he didn't walk me through most of it first.

But I can sense such an animosity and frustration in my classmates towards my professor and the subject that I am starting also feel sorry and sympathetic towards him. I'm believe he is trying, I really do. But many of the students when they approach him are hostile and I think that may be why he sometimes seems cross. I mean, I think I'd be as well. So, yeah, I think I'll be focusing my attention on understanding rather than blame pushing...

Oh Pooey!

So yeah, the other night, after coming back from Paul and Kate's, Bruce and Jon invited me to watch Zoolander with them in Jon's room. I was offered a drink and was told it was Dr. Pepper. I took a sip... well, it def. wasn't any Dr. Pepper I had ever had, so I asked if he was sure this was dr. Pepper. I was told it was "Grenadian" Dr. Pepper, I was wary so I sniffed it, but didn't really smell anything that hinted at alcohol so I took another sip and then, I tasted it. Yup, def alcohol. I was like, there's alcohol in this. Jon tried to look all innocent but eventually gave up and laughed. Apparently there was a cup of Rum Punch (20% proof) in the Dr. Pepper. heh. I stuck with water and OJ after that.

Jon's Filipino and Payal was joking with him that he needed a... um... "special friend" to help him with certain needs. He told us of the only Filipino girl that he had ever liked, but that she was somewhat odd... with a fetish for poop. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I typed "poop." She even asked him to take a picture of his for her. Sick, Sick, Sick. Apparently she has actually gotten 2 of her friends to do just such. I dunno where that comes from, but it's gross! Blech!

I checked my bank account online yesterday, and my money made it! Yay! However, not all of it made it. It was short about $23USD and I was also charged a $12 Miscellaneous Fee... I dunno what it's for or what I was charged such, so I emailed my bank... My theory though is that the $12 may be for the currency exchange and the $23 missing may be due to the change in conversion rate of EC back to USD. But the weird thing is that I gave them the money in USD. It would really stink if they changed the USD to EC to USD and I came out on the losing end. It would have been so much cheaper to FedEx it. So, so far, it's cost me almost $80 to have my money set to my bank in the states. What bunk. I think I'm going to ask if the check can be either direct deposited to my account or mailed to my home in the states so my parents can deposit it for me.. Yeah, sounds like a plan.

Oh did I mention that I spent over 5 freak'n hours on only 3 biostat problems?!!!! ARGH!!! Rage Rage!

Uncorked!

Oh man, I slept in today til 12pm. It was great. I woke up a few times before 12, but I was determined that I would sleep til noon so I'd turn over and force myself to sleep again. Mahsa was still in bed even after I woke up even though she had a class at 1pm. I was kind of surprised.

But yeah, I made pancakes for brunch today and had French toast for dinner last night. Great meals, if I may say... easy too. Lots of carbs yes, I'm well aware, but I'm not really all that concerned about it. Maybe I should be, but well... yeah.

I've been frustrated by this Biostat problem for the past 3 days: If there are 15 couples randomly seated around a round table, compute the probability that no wife will sit next to her husband. Yeah, it's been giving me quite some trouble. I asked my bro who was/is in Statistics but it was a while since he's done probability so he asked my dad who said it's been a while for him so he asked my uncle, who gave me a run down of the solution, but I'm not sure that solution is correct...

I did finally go to the bank on campus and asked for my refund check to be wired to my bank back home. It cost me $40USD, but it would have cost $46USD to FedEx it home, so I figured it'd be safer and cheaper to just wire it. Funny thing is I think that the bank is actually mailing it, because they told me that it will take about 3-4 days before my bank will have the money. You'd think money that's wired should arrive same day, but guess not...

Went to Paul and Kate's today. Kate made some really good Amish White Bread. We talked about her maybe starting up a business type thing where she can sell homemade bread. I think it'd definitely sell. Yum yum. I'd buy it :)

We watched Wedding Crasher's "Uncorked" tonight. I wasn't nearly as bad as I thought I remembered. May have to do with watching it through all in one sitting, or it being a DVD, or just the mere fact that it was a second viewing.. whatever the reason, glad for the lack of sickly feelings.

Kate has her first appointment with a local midwife here tomorrow. Very exciting in my opinion. She said she's excited too... so that's cool. Can't wait to see how it goes...

Out of the blue...

Just a random fact that I was asked to mention...

My friend Amanda jumped into the water because she hates Biochem...

Not sure how valid this is... but people will do the craziest things here.. maybe it has something to do with the year-round gorgeous weather.

I'll have to try that though. Find some random beach and just run into the water, paranoia and fear of sharks begone.

Exhaustion

So yeah, it's only been the third week of classes and already I'm exhausted. I've been pretty much falling asleep in every class that I'm not allowed to use my laptop in and have had more than 3 classmates kindly nudge me awake. I'm not sure if it was because the prof noticed I was asleep and nonvocally asked someone to wake me, or if I was snoring or making some other mumbling noisy sounds, or if they just genuinely cared and wanted me to not miss anything important in class...The laptop provides the just right amount of diversion and activity that I'm able to both pay attention in class and still keep my mind semi-active, whether it be with crossword puzzles, blogging, emailing, or just stupid stuff... Of course my state of exhaustion is pretty much self-induced. I've been sleeping kind of late, trying to work on some of the bigger projects I have after I've done my reading for classes. I've toyed with the idea of giving myself a "bedtime" but after 23 years of having one imposed on me, I'm a bit shy on going back on one. But it'd be different since I'm the one setting it up for myself. So while it'd take discipline and self-control on my part, at least I'm not annoyed at anyone other than myself for the restriction. It's nice though that tomorrow's Friday, or today rather, and having this day off, I'll be able to sleep in to my body's content. It's difficult to take naps during the day when you've got class everyday that last to evening or late evening. I did have that one nap the other evening that I think I raved about. Naps are a beautiful thing . Well, anywho, I think I'll be heading to bed shortly now too... the earliest time in about a week prob. May the day bring lots and lots of adventure and excitement...

Bonfire

So yeah, we had a bonfire on the Black Sand Beach a couple of nights ago, kind of another celebration of Shaheryar's birthday. It was pretty cool actually, because there was a good group of people gathered around the fire and some fun, good communication going on. We started playing Mafia again, but it kind of disintegrated when another party came and joined ours. I'm not sure why everyone's been raving about the pics I posted that I took that night, but apparently they liked them... so that's cool.

Biostat Woes

I had the most fabulous nap yesterday evening. I had been completely wiped, but after that nap... oh man, it was great. By 3:00am though, the restored reserve was once again depleted, and this morning arrived all too soon.

Biostat is really confusing. I understand the book and can do pretty much all the problems in it, but I'm sitting here in class right now and utterly confused. I don't know if it's because it's difficult to understand the professor (he's from Canada, and has a very strong accent) or that his ppt/Word projections on the screen are very technically confusing, or that I just don't get it. I'm to the point where I'm so confused by what he's saying that I just want to give up and just try and learn it on my own. Grr...