I found this a long time ago online and rediscovered it in my Misc folder of My Documents. There are a lot of good stuff in there! Good memories. Enjoy this one...
Here's something maybe you didn't think about: when you take standardized tests, you always have to use a Number Two pencil. Every single little bubble that is ever filled in must be done so with a good ol' Number Two pencil. That's a lot of bubbles. That's a lot of pencils.
Clearly the makers of Number Two pencils have much to gain from the huge standardized testing trade. I'm sure they sit back and laugh every new testing season, delighting to the sounds of erasers running down and pencil sharpeners grinding away towards pure profit. Such are the mechanisms of this corrupt empire.
The real scary part is what Number Two pencils are made of: wood, obviously, which means trees. These tests, and ultimately these pencils, demand a huge sacrifice from our forests. How many trees must die so that you and I can fit easily into a college acceptance profile? This is just not cool. Test what you want, but don't cut down the great redwoods just to make a buck. Thanks.
And then there is the secret ingredient, that which makes Number Two pencils so special and distinct form the rest: Number Two. What, did you not realize the crucial factor is those deliciously smooth writing, dark colored leads? See, they can't use lead anymore, 'cause it gives you poisoning. Instead, they figured out a way to turn out body's natural waste into pencil stuff. Number Two. Cheap, but sickening.
Number Two pencils: is there any atrocity they will not commit?
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