Update

Friday, January 29, 2010

This day was horrible. Like downright awful. So bad it made me cry... twice... In front of two different consultants no less. So for those of you who know me and my opinion about crying... it was that bad. I mean, I've gotten over it now, so I can talk about it with a blasé attitude, but that was a pretty miserable day, and that kind of translated to the stress I've been under since.

It started out well enough. I went to theatre that early that morning and was able to perform my first vaginal exam and speculum exam, so that was cool. I feel that my fingers are too short to really be all that effective, but maybe it's just my technique. Even with me feeling like I was pressing my hand as deeply against the pelvis as possible, my fingers barely grazed the "bump" that was the cervix. I couldn't get in deep enough to actually manipulate the uterus, but I was able to palpate one of the ovaries :) I was told that since the patient was nulliparous, her uterus was still pretty high up which probably contributed to my difficulty. But I think that unless my fingers miraculously lengthen I'd be pretty useless at VE's on nulliparous women. Guess Obs & Gyn is out for me, lol.

I had a one-on-one teaching session with Mr. Olujide on menorrhagia, and that went well enough until the end. Sometime in the middle of our session, he asked if I wanted coffee and went out to make some. While he was out, his phone rang 3 times, and I thinking that it might be important since it rang that often in such a short period of time went to look for him. I ran into the husband of a patient who's history I had taken and had a little chat with him about how his wife was doing. While I was out I saw my preceptor, Mr. Louden, walking down the hall. At the same time, Mr. Olujide was also coming towards me, and I went to him and gave him his phone. Mr. Louden came up and said he was supposed to have been doing my mid rotation assessment that day. This was news to me, as when I had checked the schedule at his secretary's office the day before, I had seen no such appointment. I expressed my surprise and He said he had to talk to Mr. Olujide, so I went into the office where I had been having my teaching session. However, they were standing only a few meters from the open door to the office and I could pretty much hear everything they were saying... Mr. Louden expressed his concern about my missing so many days of the posting and his doubt and "puzzlement" about this "induction" thing that I said I had to attend, and other stuff to which Mr. Olujide agreed and said he would talk to me about it. I got the impression, they thought I was making up this induction thing and was just skipping days. They both did not sound pleased. After hearing all this, when Mr. Olujide got back to the office, I asked him if I was in trouble. He said, not much, but yes and we would talk about it later. Of course after that moment, I had a hard time focusing on the teaching and was just dreading the end of the teaching session.

When we came to the end of the teaching and moved on to the topic of my performance thus far, he asked me how I had been doing and what I'd been doing. When we came to what happened that miserable Wednesday afternoon in Scan, I stopped talking because I couldn't really talk about it. I had no desire to go into what happened, but I guess just thinking about that afternoon brought all the feelings to the fore and on top of my nerves about the fact that I was in trouble... my lips started to tremble, I couldn't look at Mr. Olujide and every time I started to say something I felt my eyes well up. It was pathetic. To make matters worse, Mr. Olujide asked me what was wrong and his being nice about it was what tipped me over to full out tears. *sigh* I'm sure my stressing out and exhaustion didn't help my restraint in the matter, but I find it so much harder to be composed when people are being nice than when they're being mean and stern. He discussed things I should be doing to improve matters and gave me some pointers. Then he brought up two Biblical analogies about Joshua, and that just made me cry again because he wasn't just being nice, but also offering up biblical and spiritual support which was even more unexpected. He also said that the particular consultant with which I had such a miserable time with did not like students working with him and that even the SHOs and and other residents who were sometimes assigned to him, he wouldn't let them do anything.

After that, I attempted to compose myself, went to the restroom and washed my face with cold water, took a couple deep breaths before heading over to see Mr. Louden. I asked if I could reschedule my mid-core assessment as I didn't realize it was today, but that it would be fine if he wanted to continue with it that day. Then was pretty much a repeat of the conversation I had with Mr. Olujide. In addition, he asked me to clarify why I missed the days I missed and detail what I had been doing each day that I had been in the hospital. He said that I couldn't afford to take any time off during the day to do reading and that I had to make sure I was doing something each AM and PM session. He said that he had asked around about me and none of the consultants had really seen me or even knew who I was. No one had really seen me working in the hospital and as far as they knew, I hadn't been there. This is exactly what I had been afraid would happen and I guess that showed on my face because then he said, "Oh you look upset, don't be upset, what's wrong," then reached out and touched my hand. I lost it again. Sheesh. I'm so weak against people being nice. lol.

I told him that this was exactly what I had been afraid would happen and that I had been stressing out about it for quite some time. I explained to him that I took that Thursday morning off to read because I had been miserable and felt like a complete idiot after the Wednesday session, though I wouldn't go into what happened. When he heard the reason for why I took that morning off to read, he said he now understood why I took that morning off to read, and it was okay. So that made me feel better that he realized what happened and it didn't really surprise him I guess. I suppose the consultant told him I was a dimwitted American who'd never amount to anything. lol. He expressed annoyance and frustration that I had missed the days for a mandatory induction. He called my student coordinator to check on it and when he confirmed my story said that it was ridiculous and unfair that we SGU students had to go through that when the Southampton students did not. He asked who he had to take this issue up with because it had seriously adversely affected my posting.

Once the story was all out, he said he understood why I had missed all those days and that it wasn't anything of my doing. However, I had a lot of making up to do and couldn't afford to miss anymore days and that going to clinics were of paramount importance because that was where the consultants would actually see me. He gave me all satisfactory checks for my assessment for which I was ever so grateful and said to let him know if there was anything or anyone that I was having difficulty with. And that was that.

After all that, I went home that evening for about 2 hours before I went back in to the labor ward for voluntary night shift. Maybe I was trying to prove that I am willing to work hard and put in the hours to make up for lost time, but I ended up spending almost 24 hours at the hospital that day since I didn't get home til about 5am the next morning.

The best thing that happened was that I got to deliver my first baby :) It was a baby girl and she came out fast! Her mother was only 5 cm dilated then just 10-15 min later she was yelling that she needed to push. After only about 3 pushes and 5 min, out came the bundle of joy. With the midwife guiding me, I got to deliver her, clamp and cut the cord, deliver the placenta and all that lovely goodness. Despite everything that happened earlier, I ended my day with a smile.

Today, February 3, 2010

I delivered my second baby today. Also a baby girl, and they even were gracious enough to name her after me :) Her middle name is Grace. Well, okay, so they had already picked out the name long before, but it's kind of a cool coincidence :) This time I was also able to give the mother an injection of Syntocinon to help her deliver the placenta.

I also went by the breast screening clinic this morning and watched a few mammograms. Sat in on an Antenatal clinic, and didn't eat all day til dinner. But I have to say that today was a good day. It was the first day since Friday that I have actually felt more at ease and not so stressed out. Maybe tomorrow will even be sunny :)